Health & Grooming | Chronicles of a Spa Junkie

Spa Junkie at… LifeCo detox in Turkey

Will our covert reporter finally feel the benefits of this tough regime?

Spa Junkie at… LifeCo detox in Turkey

Image: Jay Yeo

December 06 2011
Spa Junkie

Part: 1 | 2

Spa Junkie is undergoing a tough four-day cleansing programme at LifeCo in Bodrum.

DAY THREE: 8am

It’s a wake-up-rub-your-eyes-and-weep moment. I really want an espresso and a newspaper; instead it’s a shake, some capsules, and straight to the colonic centre again. I’m barely awake as I shuffle down the corridor in my robe and slippers. The other guests are literally morphing in front of my eyes each day, their cheekbones becoming more pronounced. It’s simply staggering to see the visible changes in them. I too have lost 1.7kg, the nurse tries to explain to me in broken English as she weighs me in.

I’m back on the angel machine; this time Didem the nurse is literally holding my hand throughout the entire experience, which I must say takes me back to potty training. “OK, hold, hold – now sit up and push, push, push!” She clenches her teeth and fists, squints her eyes and goes into a sitting position to further my understanding of what’s required. We are both in fits of laughter – this is seriously mortifying. It’s official: I am simply “too posh to push”, and should probably leave the DIY to the others. But I tell you, the results when you finally master the technique are undeniable: my tummy is flat as a pancake.

1pm

I am full of beans; alert and energetic. I take a quick run along the beach, where old men are playing cards, the water is like a mirror, not a breath of wind. The first detox high kicks in, and despite consuming fewer than 900 liquid calories in the past three days, I’m feeling as euphoric as Kate Winslet in Titanic with Leo in tow. A pack of stray dogs follows me like the Pied Piper as I run at speed into the sunset. By now I’m sure you can smell the aged Roquefort emanating from the screen, but my cheesy, rosy good humour is short-lived. It suddenly starts raining, and like a wet rat I just have to sit it out under a deserted thatched roof, a dark cloud sitting directly over me. Dream over.

4pm

Group yoga is more like Kumbaya: we all hold hands and share, then do a little stretching. Afterwards, we all go for our shakes. The conversations are the same each day: “What day are you on?”; “How long are you doing?”; “How did you get on with the angel?”; “How much weight have you lost?” Most of the clientele come from London, Russia, the Middle East and Turkey, and most people I spoke to have been coming for years. “The results are just incredible. The first time I came I lost 7kg in two weeks, and I’ve lost 5kg in seven days on this trip,” said one Turkish banker who lives in London.

DAY FOUR

I wake up, energy soaring. I feel great, I look even better – the benefits of juice fasting written all over my face. My exposure to toxins has been virtually nil, as LifeCo takes major precautions to eliminate as many as possible, from filtering the chlorine in the shower heads to serving only organic juice blends and pH10 water to guests.

I have lost just over 3kg in four days, which is pretty remarkable. But I’ve also learnt a lot that I wish I did not actually know – my worry list has quadrupled.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Everyone can benefit from the LifeCo detox programme, regardless of how healthy one’s lifestyle or diet might be. We live in a toxic world and our fast-paced lifestyle does little to help. You could eat your body weight in high-alkaline food and still not win the battle if highly stressed – stress being a major culprit in acid production. So you need to take a more holistic approach to health and address other lifestyle issues at the same time. Four days was great, but I know I will inhale back 2kg on touchdown in London. The seven-day programme would have been preferable, and I think if I could manage 14 it would truly change my habits and my life.

Be warned: there are no airs or graces. The service can be sloppy, and better you throw your timetable to the wolves. But the results are undeniable; the group bonding was contagious for even the most reclusive of us; and the education programme one of the most interesting I have encountered. So get ready to get your skinny on.

Spa Junkie pays for all her own travel, treatments and accommodation.